Sometimes I feel like I feel things too deeply or I feel nothing at all. There is no in between. There is no grey. It’s just black and white for me. I feel like I have moments where my heart is so big and filled with love that I don’t know how It got there; and other times it feels like someone is squeezing on my heart so tight and hard just waiting for it to explode.
I can’t breathe and I’m in pain.
Pure pain.
Sometimes I feel like I’m crazy. Either crazy in love or crazy in my head.
I know I was born this way and there’s no way to change or “snap out of it” how a lot of people say, but I know that I can try to control it, which is the hardest task of them all.
I have to control my emotions more than others because when I lose control I’m a mad woman. I have to control my words. My thoughts. My heart.
I have to control my life.
I feel like I’m a child that has to be trained. Trained to be normal. I take one step forward and 100 steps back.
The hardest part of it all are the people that love me that take advantage of it. I’m either too mean or too weak.
I can’t win.
They don’t get it. You don’t get it. No one gets it. Not even myself.
I’m stuck in between. In between my emotions and my head.
Stuck in between of my own world.
Stuck in between black and white.
Now can you imagine how pitch black must feel?