Worthy

Am I worthy?

Am I worthy of you? worthy of him? worthy of this life?

Am I worthy to have you love me ever so deeply and look at me to protect you, to love you back?

Am I worthy of your love for me? or will I just disappoint you the way I constantly disappoint myself?

Will I be punished for the sins I have committed or will God see it in his heart to forgive me the way I haven’t, the way I don’t think I ever can?

Will you forgive me for my sins or will you hate me and the person that I’ve become?

Will you love me even then? Love me through it all?

Will you still want me to protect you and look after you?

Love you?

Can I be worthy?

Can I be worthy of you? Worthy of him? Worthy of this life?

Can I be worthy to have you love me ever so deeply and look at me to protect you, to love you back?

Can I be worthy of your love for me? or will I just disappoint you the way I constantly disappoint myself?

Will I ever be worthy?

2020-04-19 16_56_35.396

 

 

 

 

Dear Mom….

Dear Mom,

Growing up I never understood why you did the things you did. I never understood why you were the way you were and I never fully understood your love for me.

26 years later; and I understand it all.

You are not only my mother, but you are the best friend I could have ever asked for and I could not be more thankful for that.

You have taught me to always be kind, and always be the bigger person no matter how hard it may be.

You have taught me to fully love and let myself be loved because that’s what I deserve.

You have taught me to respect and if I want respect, I have to give it. To give people chances and the benefit of doubt, but to NEVER allow anyone to make me feel less than.

Most of all you have taught me to be STRONG and INDEPENDENT.  To always stand up for what I believe in, stand up for what I feel is good and what I feel is wrong.

To have my own voice and always say what I feel.  Never depend on anyone, no matter what. I may want someone, but I will never NEED them.

I know that all these years we haven’t seen eye to eye, but now I know that you were preparing me for LIFE, and all that comes with it; the hardships and the pain, but also the love and joy that I will experience.

You were giving me lessons that I can always keep and continue to learn from, and eventually teach my kids when I become a mother.

You are teaching me how to be a phenomenal mother; like you.

Mom, I now understand why you did the things you did. I understand why you are the way you are and I FULLY understand your love for me.

Now, and for the next 26 plus years, I will do the same for you.

Thank you for being the most amazing mother and grandmother, and for always showing the five of us what true love is.

I look forward to one day, giving you grandchildren (like you keep asking me to) and have them learn like we all did, from the best mother and grandmother there is.

I love you Mommy, more than anything in this world. Thank you for it all, but most of all, thank you for making me; ME.

Love,

Forever & Always; Your oldest (but always your baby) daughter

Bubu