I thought I was getting better. But can I ever get better or is this who I am?
Is this me?
I thought I was finally on a path where I could manage my emotions. Manage my thoughts. Manage my life.
I thought I was finally in control.
I guess that’s the problem with mental health, it makes you see things or feel things that aren’t there.
For a second I actually believed that I could be like everyone else.
Feel things when I’m “supposed to”, cry when I “need” to and be angry when I “have” to. Not just explode with random emotions for no reason just because it’s how I am feeling in the moment and I never know why.
For a second I thought I was in control.
But truth is I will never be in control.
I will never be normal.
I will always feel things a bit more deeper than others, think things a bit more in depth than others, spiral a bit more than others.
Truth is I will always feel like there is something wrong with me. I will never feel normal like everyone else.
I will always be that person that needs to work a bit harder to control my thoughts and emotions or else I will go downhill in a matter of seconds.
I really don’t know how I feel about that.