Love, Peace, and Happiness

Sometimes I just want to disappear.

I want to get away from everyone and everything. Every single person that makes me feel like my presence does not matter. Every single person that always makes me feel like a piece of crap. Every single person that makes me think terrible things.

I don’t want to be here anymore.

I’m so sick and tired of feeling misunderstood.

I just want to close my eyes and end up somewhere else.

Alone.

Alone in a beautiful small beach town; living in a small cottage. I’ll ride my bike to work, with the view of the beach to the left of me, as I head into work and the view of the beach to the right of me, as I go home.

My job will be a small little shop with all of my photography. Tourists will come in and be fascinated with the place that I call home and will stop and stare in awe, at all of my art work.

I wont have to deal with anyone that stresses me or makes me feel sad. I wont have anyone making me feel like I’m not good enough, like I’m unworthy.

I wont have anxiety and I wont have depression.

I’ll be a new person. Someone that I’ll actually like and love.

I’ll be happy.

Happy with my life; happy with me.

I’ll live my best life.

No pain.

No regrets.

No disappointment.

Just love, peace, and happiness.

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Worthy

Am I worthy?

Am I worthy of you? worthy of him? worthy of this life?

Am I worthy to have you love me ever so deeply and look at me to protect you, to love you back?

Am I worthy of your love for me? or will I just disappoint you the way I constantly disappoint myself?

Will I be punished for the sins I have committed or will God see it in his heart to forgive me the way I haven’t, the way I don’t think I ever can?

Will you forgive me for my sins or will you hate me and the person that I’ve become?

Will you love me even then? Love me through it all?

Will you still want me to protect you and look after you?

Love you?

Can I be worthy?

Can I be worthy of you? Worthy of him? Worthy of this life?

Can I be worthy to have you love me ever so deeply and look at me to protect you, to love you back?

Can I be worthy of your love for me? or will I just disappoint you the way I constantly disappoint myself?

Will I ever be worthy?

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